Turf: A chat room in annals of the most ridiculously gigantic internet provider on the planet.
Participant: Apparently resident gate keeper of Loserdom. We'll call him Complete Zero.
Agent 001: Of all the days this guy could have come online to find love or a shoulder to cry on... He found me instead. [Insert sardonic laughter here].
(Once inside the Bug Jar...)
Complete Zero: hello ladies or should i say ladie
Agent 001: Well, you could say "lady"...
Complete Zero: lady. how are you
Agent 001: I'm doing alright. Now. And you?
Complete Zero: ive had better days you single or married
Agent 001: Single. What's wrong with today?
Complete Zero: well just a bad day all the way round everyone wanted my pic then they wouldnt even send me one back
Agent 001: And that's a bad day?
Complete Zero: nope it goes on
Agent 001: Well, go on then...
Complete Zero: girl friend broke up with me this morning she has been sleeping arround i just got laid off
Agent 001: Got laid? Well, that's good isn't it?
Complete Zero: no i didnt get laid she just got up and called it quits in a way
Agent 001: But I though you just said that...
Complete Zero: i got laid off from work
Agent 001: Oh... Sorry to hear that.
Complete Zero: yes me to. life sucks. im moving out of ny
Agent 001: So you got laid off from work, your girl friend dumped you and you're getting hassled online - all in one day?
Complete Zero: yeppers
Agent 001: Man... You're a loser.
Complete Zero: lol
Agent 001: So how about that picture?
Complete Zero: ok ill send it do u have one
Agent 001: Well, actually no.
Complete Zero: ok brb you got mail
(Here we go ladies...)
Agent 001: Just a sec... Got it. Hey, do you shave your head, or are you naturally bald?
Complete Zero: i shave
Agent 001: Well then life hasn't been that hard on you after all.
Complete Zero: lol your funny :0)~~~
Agent 001: So what job were you fired from?
Complete Zero: i was a supervisor at perry's ice cream they said it was cut backs
Agent 001: Ah... Perry's... Well you know that Perry, he's such a bastard!
Complete Zero: tell me about it they waited till i got in tonight and then told me and its snowing like hell out. what a kick it was to so i went out and had a few then came home to nothing
Agent 001: Hang on... You sell ice cream while it's snowing?
Complete Zero: you have to make it some time we get our supplies built up then it makes the summer go by easier
Agent 001: So you worked for a company that makes ice cream in the winter and you're somehow surprised that they had to let you go due to cut backs?
Complete Zero: ive worked thier 6 years now and now just a lay off. we make ice cream for other companies besides ours like blue bunny tops wegmans you name it ben and jerrys ok im out of here need to take a shower
Agent 001: Well, hey, every cloud has a silver lining and all that...
